Parenthood often begins for many parents even before the pregnancy, when they talk and fantasise about the way their lives will hopefully change. An ultrasound scan sometimes makes the child “real” very early on in the pregnancy. In this way, a connection is made.

Unfortunately, many couples facing reduced fertility also have to deal with pregnancy loss. Although this is of course a tragic event in all cases, the blow can be even harder for couples who have had to deal with fertility problems.

Pregnancy loss can occur at different times in the pregnancy. Miscarriages affect approximately 1 in 10 pregnancies. Many couples still expect to miscarry within the first three months of the pregnancy, but from the fourth month on dare to enjoy it because they know that the chances of mishap are greatly reduced.

Nevertheless approximately one in one hundred pregnancies still fail in later pregnancy. In some cases a desired pregnancy may be terminated because a test has shown that the unborn child has a serious abnormality.

The common factor in all these situations is that space must be allowed for grieving. Both partners often experience this in their own way and in their own time, but it is important that they are there for each other. In all cases it is important that you are able to talk about it together as a couple and with others, perhaps. others in the same situation.

You can also seek professional help to help you deal with the experience and to allow you in time to pick up the thread where you left off. If you are both at that stage, consult your doctor regarding when it is again sensible, from a medical viewpoint, to resume fertility treatments.

Miscarriage

Everyone who has to deal with miscarriage must work through it in his or her own way and it generally takes time for the feelings to be resolved. If a miscarriage is repeated several times, the psychological and physical burden will be difficult to bear. Since those around you may not have been aware of the pregnancy, it is often difficult to talk about your emotions with other people. But to deal with them, it is important that you do so. For many it is often difficult to accept that, after several miscarriages, no clear cause has been found for them. In such a case, most couples experience feelings of fear and uncertainty, and ask themselves whether they will ever hold a child of their own in their arms.

Stillbirth

Stillbirth is the birth of a child that died during pregnancy (intrauterine foetal death) or around delivery. Nothing touches a person more than birth and death, the beginning and the end of life. If a child dies before birth, during delivery or shortly afterwards, these two events occur together. The loss of a child is one of the most extreme types of loss a person will ever have to deal with.

Grieving for the loss of a baby will be difficult and demand time and energy. Sufficient time has to be set aside for physical and emotional recovery, before you try to become pregnant once again. Men and women often deal with the loss in different ways. Know how to be open with each other about this in order to avoid unnecessary conflict.

Parents of stillborn children generally need a great deal of support from the people around them. People in the same situation can also be a great support; they understand and often empathise better than anyone else.

It is important to trust that you can and will get over this intense grief. It will finally have its own place in your relationship and in your life. The most important thing is that you always follow your own feeling and take your own decisions. In addition to those around you, professional support will be able to help you with this if needed.